The Algarve International Circuit hosted two rounds of hilarity and chaos this week, proving once again that some of you couldn’t navigate a tricycle through a parking lot. Watching 15 Super Formula cars pirouette around was like witnessing a soap opera starring incompetent stunt drivers. But if you squint, there were a few shining performances… and a boatload of catastrophes.

Off the line in the Sprint, Finley Fitzsimmons dove into Turn 1 as if auditioning for a demolition derby, immediately trading positions with pole-sitter Elliot Cawte. It worked momentarily; Finley snatched the top spot on Lap 1 only to fling it away on Lap 2. Meanwhile, Robert Nobles and Matt Spurrell stormed forward three places each before inevitably throwing it all in the bin with track excursions and contact.

A masterclass in half-decent driving emerged at the front as Elliot Cawte reclaimed the lead on Lap 2 and never looked back—except for taking off-track detours, which apparently didn't slow him much. Finley tried to keep up but ended 1.2s behind in a mildly embarrassing second place. Shajee Zuhair was on course for a decent finish until Lap 4, when he plummeted from 5th to 13th, presumably stopping for tea on pit road. Not to be outdone, Xavier Seynave managed a black-flag extravaganza by Lap 1 and settled for 15th, generously gifting the rest of the field one fewer car to pass.

Cawte’s steady pace at the front proved unstoppable in the Sprint—so unstoppable he set the fastest lap of 850.198 seconds on Lap 9. Yes, 850 seconds. We’re still wondering if his stopwatch broke or if he decided to pit for a three-course meal.

While the Sprint was full of comedic tumbles, the Feature wasn’t exactly a display of flawless competence either. The lead swaps came thick and fast early on: Delmas Leo2 started up front, then Elliot Rolls seized P1 by Lap 1, only to drop 13 spots on the following lap. By Lap 2, Matthew Davine had soared to the top, with everyone else flailing around in a pit-lane party of black flags and misguided tire strategies.

Multiple drivers pitted, crashed, and pitted again, leaving the entire race feeling like a never-ending merry-go-round. Then came the ultimate comedic twist: Matt Spurrell, who had been quietly sneaking through the chaos, assumed the lead on Lap 18… just to surrender it two laps later to the unstoppable Elliot Cawte. Predictably, Cawte waltzed away to victory by 7.5s, while Spurrell just held off Davine for second by 0.4s. Unlucky Jace Meyer and Delmas Leo2 had bigger position drops than a bad stock market, each tumbling kilometers down the order at various points, presumably searching for the track exit.

Ignoring the thrashing at the back, we have to applaud (with mild sarcasm) drivers like Nick Peterson and Will Alhadeff for hanging on in midfield. Shajee Zuhair wrapped up in 4th with a 20.4s gap—somebody tell him the race ended, so he can pack up. Meanwhile, Xavier Seynave crawled home in 10th, no black flags this time, so that’s progress.

At one point, half the field got lapped or black-flagged, giving all of us a good chuckle on social channels. Rumor has it pit crews are lobbying for hazard pay whenever Finley Fitzsimmons is around. “I can’t decide if these guys are racing or auditioning for a spinning ballet,” one witty user posted. Hard to disagree.

For the championship scoreboard, let’s just say Elliot Cawte’s perfect weekend hammered everyone else’s hopes into the ground. As for the rest of you, try not to break your cars or your pride too badly—though it’s likely too late for both.

With the carnage concluded, we now stare anxiously at the next circuit, where you lot are sure to find new ways to embarrass yourselves. Pack extra tires, keep the tow truck on standby, and do try to keep the racing lines out of the gravel. Good luck—because you’re definitely going to need it.